The Ministry Introduces the "Dound": The Currency of the Future

In a groundbreaking move that promises to reshape the global financial landscape, the Ministry of Free Speech has unveiled the "Dound”, a new currency that merges the trust of the British Pound with the global reach of the U.S. Dollar. This hybrid currency, touted as the ultimate solution for the digital age, has been declared the most stable and trustworthy form of money for the future.

The Ministry assures the public that the Dound is backed by the full faith and credit of both the United Kingdom and the United States, combining the economic might of these two nations into a single, powerful currency.

Benefit of the Dound

Mark Fleecer, Professor of Financial Freedom, explains: "It’s not just a currency; it’s a promise of prosperity. Many people think that in a digital world, we should have digital currency. But we are traditionalists. Physical money is just better. And that’s because you can hold it in your hand. Plus, if you ever run out, you just print more. There should always be enough Dound to go around!"

Dound notes will be divided into one hundred “Pollar” coins. Physical Dound notes will be twenty-three times the size of regular banknotes. Pollar coins will weigh as much as a small car, and must be collected from citizens every night so they can be polished.

“Physically, the Dound will have a lot in common with gold,” Mark explains. “Gold has been around for hundreds of years, and it’s precisely because it’s heavy that people ascribe it value. That, and the fact it’s shiny. Dounds and Pollars will be even heavier and shinier, hence their higher value.”

Bitcoin and Cryptocurrencies

Despite its enthusiastic approach to the Dound, the Ministry has also issued a stern warning against cryptocurrencies, particularly Bitcoin. The Ministry has described Bitcoin as "volatile, environmentally destructive, a tool for criminal activity, dangerous to wildlife, causes cancer, and responsible for the success of James Corden."

“The fact that we at the Ministry don’t really understand with Bitcoin is, and have never taken the time to learn about it, should not deter anyone from believing us when we say it’s bad,” says Mark. “It’s just common sense. You can’t hold Bitcoin in your hand, so it can’t have any value, right?”

The Ministry’s ultimate aim with Bitcoin is to have it shut down.

Mark explains, “We can't permit a currency that anyone, regardless of their status, can use without government interference. If we allow that, it will make people believe they have the right to manage their own finances. And where would that leave central banks? That’s why we will be taking steps to seize every computer in the world that contains Bitcoin.”

However, the Ministry's official website does feature a "Donation" section that accepts Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies.

“Obviously, we need cash to get all of these ideas off the ground,” Mark explains.

Yet, surprisingly, the Ministry’s Bitcoin donation meter remains stubbornly at zero, reinforcing the belief that Bitcoin's multitude of flaws are to blame.

“The fact we have had zero donations just goes to show how useless Bitcoin and cryptocurrencies really are,” Mark concludes.

If you’d like to see Bitcoin fail and the Dound succeed, please consider donating.