The Ministry is your trusted authority on all things related to online communication, ensuring that everyone says exactly what they should say. With us overseeing the internet, you can be sure that people will never be allowed to say anything “offensive.” Protection of feelings comes first!

It’s the digital version of real-world violence. Every negative keystroke is a punch to the face. Every offensive thought is an elbow to the ribs. Every online insult is a kick in the groin.
The term has been constructed to equate digital negativity with physical violence, thus justifying outrage and legal action.

The safest approach is to simply avoid thinking for yourself. Always check with the Ministry before posting anything online. If in doubt, remain silent. Silence is safety.

Do you really think a government agency needs to justify its methods to the likes of you? Of course not. Just know that we are always watching.

We are currently developing a “Tattle on Someone” button that will be added to every page on the internet. Until then, if you see something you find offensive online, make sure everyone knows you're offended. Jump up and down. Shout loudly. Everyone must know how you feel!

While we are, of course, against Bitcoin in principle, we are more than happy to accept any loose Bitcoin you might have lying around. We will use these funds to ensure the internet remains a place where something like Bitcoin can be stopped in the future.
You can donate on our Money page.

We accept it so that you don’t have to. By donating your Bitcoin, you help us rid the world of this menace, one digital coin at a time.

Immediately delete the post and slap yourself in the face. Remember to only ever use the following "Ministry-approved" emojis:

• 😀 (Grinning Face)
• 🌟 (Glowing Star)
• ❤️ (Red Heart)
• 🌈 (Rainbow)
• 👍 (Thumbs Up)
• 🎉 (Party Popper)
• 😊 (Smiling Face with Smiling Eyes)
• 🦄 (Unicorn)
• 🥳 (Partying Face)
• 💖 (Sparkling Heart)

The Ministry is currently developing the “Dictionary of Acceptable Online Words.” All online citizens are encouraged to verify that any words they wish to post are included in this official dictionary.

Privacy is for people with something to hide.

As a government agency, we are not answerable to the public. Governments decide what is best for the people, and the people accept it.
Remember the age-old problem with democracy: two idiots can outvote a genius. Do you want idiots deciding things for you, or would you prefer politicians to do it instead?

Many people cite the Human Rights Act 1998, Article 10, Section 1, as a way to justify online violence. This is what it states:

Everyone has the right to freedom of expression. This right shall include freedom to hold opinions and to receive and impart information and ideas without interference by public authority and regardless of frontiers. This Article shall not prevent States from requiring the licensing of broadcasting, television or cinema enterprises.

Looks convincing, right? Well, the very next section states:

The exercise of these freedoms, since it carries with it duties and responsibilities, may be subject to such formalities, conditions, restrictions or penalties as are prescribed by law and are necessary in a democratic society, in the interests of national security, territorial integrity or public safety, for the prevention of disorder or crime, for the protection of health or morals, for the protection of the reputation or rights of others, for preventing the disclosure of information received in confidence, or for maintaining the authority and impartiality of the judiciary.

So, in a nutshell, forget the first part, as the government can simply overrule it. Check and mate, sucker.

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